1. |
Need To Know
03:48
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There’s an obvious truth to be gleaned:
The project has always been me
Sought refuge under a bus stop shelter
At the corner of Harvard and School St.
I wish that I could age just like
how any prior self would decide
Applied some heroic narrative
I’ve stolen from someone else’s life
I mean come on, do you believe I tried?
You said “Frankly, I don’t understand
how you could have a vested interest in
coming off as best you can as boring and uninterested”
The words came out of your mouth,
Hung there, then were lost to a crowd of idling cars
In a gridlocked intersection with its lights out
Telephone pole is down
Let it go, my god!
You were doing what you wanted, so what?
They never needed to know.
Good lord, my shield has sunken down as
I huddled around here
They never needed to know.
I was never better at turning my life around
floating my hands in the air, you asked,
“what happened now?”
I’ve gathered my thoughts:
I think I had what I wanted then backed up
I never needed to know
Good lord, my shield has sunken down as
I huddled around here
I never needed to know,
I never needed to know
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2. |
Wide High-beams
03:50
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“It’ll be a hot sticky summer for 3 to 5 days”
Read the ticker on the tv display.
The voice over the system:
“The 7:30 train to Kingston/Plymouth is now boarding on track eight”
As I collected my things, I almost went the wrong way.
I zoned out dwelling on useless things in my brain like,
Why cream colored plastic? Not white or grey?
It just reminds me of motel rooms’ nicotine stains
Seats of faux leather, I was cradled to sleep
But not long enough to get coherent dreams
Drifting in and out of consciousness, the images bleed
Sometimes they pick back up, but just as often they leave
As a passenger looks up from the opposite seat
A smirk in the corner of his mouth is receding
His head was silhouette against the blurring trees through the window
Nostalgia comes over me of wide high-beams
The train is stopping
“look at the station; it’s crumbling!”
Your nod in agreement is reaffirming
Mint colored glasses like an aerosol shade
Bubbling laughter starts to permeate in a a call from the backseat:
“Ive been bored as of late so I say let’s steer these hours like an ambulance chase!”
I had ‘total agreement’ written over my face.
“I appreciate how you communicate!”
And I want to believe what I felt here today
But doubt prints itself on me in a polaroid haze
I’ve been scared straight of the new decade’s blank slate
“This says we’re under an hour away,
lets appreciate the silken black the interstate”
Cyclical panic just grows as it grows
til’ you’re pulled down by only the weight of your clothes
“and I know, I know, it’s something that I should’ve known -
you shouldn’t lie to yourself at 27 years old!”
It stopped down-pouring outside. It’s still bitterly cold, and
I didn’t want to say “go ahead, I’ll get home”
but the tenor felt so different only hours ago
Now, tourists and students fill the courtyard below
“And of course I don’t mind - if its free then it’s alright
You’re welcome to join if you’re so inclined”
I’ve been coming up short, but I’ll try harder next time
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3. |
Ahead Of My Time
03:56
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It’s been forever; we have plans for dinner some night after work
And we talk about money and how everybody has lunged into life headfirst
you asked “do you wanna eat here or back at my place?
Here’s loud and crowded and all of my roommates
are either out with their boyfriends or stuck working late”
There’s a bubble in the vinyl floor that the door scrapes on when it closes
The smell of new paint, they hung a new doorway
“Seems you're moving up in this world!”
You put the brown paper bag on the island as I look around
And poured two tall glasses of water - said go sit down
“Before I come in Ben, can I get you anything else?”
It feels these interactions hardly seem worth it to you
Keeping me close. Keep keeping me close
After we ate, we moved the conversation to your room
And you fly out in the morning and you're mostly ready, still there’s a few things left to do
I comment about I miss this mattress pad and
You laughed and said “yours was never really that bad”
I guess we’re clearly still comfortable enough for that
Found our eyelids dropping - I was scared to death of that
because when I feel safe enough to sleep, I’m strung out when I’m walking back
I turned my head over and opened my eyes, feel my body split and pulled to two sides
It was in that moment I realized you were simply ahead of my time
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4. |
Stick Around
02:52
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This can be how you want it
There’s nothing stopping you from calling it if you need to
I could be gone in an instant, or
We could build a house for our dogs in the backyard
And you know that it won’t stop
You feel you won’t ask for too much
The hill by the water
Fourth of July fireworks from the inner harbor
Two-tiered parking lot
and the city lights from the top
The bars closed, but theres a few still open
You can call if you want to or maybe just when you pass through
I can cling to whatever I want
I know, I know that it wont last for too long
I didn't know every moment would stick around
But I think it’s fine with me now
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5. |
A Weekend
04:54
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Unkempt hair and black shoes
The smell of smoke in the whole room
I found my keys behind you
Shook your arms until you came-to
I pressed, “lets move, the sun will be up soon”
I look for hope in big clues
It’s cold out. The heat’s broke
“Have my gloves to stay warm - you’ll be home real soon”
Dozing off in my twin bed
“I’m coming home for the weekend,
Are you around? Let's make plans!
“I’d love to see you, just say when!”
The train’s late and I’m freezing,
I’m looking through texts you’ve sent me and
I’m kicking around some dead leaves.
Its a bright night and full moon
Driving past I look to moss covered walls and a red roofs
Put down my things and walked out
I know I’ve been gone, but I’m here now. How?
The window’s fogged; I can’t see out
I tell myself I should calm down
I’m not trapped,
I just thought you could help me up when I can’t walk
I could hardly be what I want
That house, my car - I can see though them if I sing hard
I know that it’s you but it wont stop
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