1. |
The General
05:46
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The general walks in with his wife and children
With open one-armed hugs, “Merry Christmas to you all!”
(While gesturing to a great oak tabletop)
“The last time that I saw you, you were only this tall!
Come in, place your coats in the closet down at the end of the hall”
Overheard from the living room
I turned in my chair as soon as I heard the honorific
His resume splayed to his breast
So he’s the one that I’ve heard so much about;
Crew cut, clean shaven, with a stiff stoic gait about him
“Make yourself at home, dinner will be ready in about an hour”
(Pointing to a fogged mic-century timer)
“Place your presents are over there in the corner by the tree
and I’ll call out when everything's all set and ready”
I pulled a chair up beneath a framed family crest
as a member asks the man clad in martial extravagance:
“Sir, Ive watched the news, but how is the war really going?
We're the best army in the world - it appears we’re losing!”
The rest of the ears perked up as the general placed down his cup
“We’re hamstrung by the feckless doves! and the department expects too much!”
“Do they not understand who we’re dealing with on the ground over there?”
“They understand, they just aren’t capable of modern warfare”
“I see what you’re saying, so why not just clear the field and start over?”
“Yeah! Carpet bomb them back into the stone age!”
“They’re really not that far off anyway…”
Quipped the general in return and I felt sick.
I question if I should’ve brought the war home
rather than remembering sitting impotently uncomfortable
‘You should all be ashamed of yourselves!’ plays on a loop in my head
I could’ve volunteered somewhere or anything else instead
‘But what would that do? Would it’ve changed the affect of anyone in that room?’
‘It's a protest to the institution I’m arguably closest to!’
'I get that, and maybe you’re right, but maybe you could be mistaking
regret for insight. Or confusing choice with obligation’
What a comedic affair when cathartic calls for violence are paired with gift-wrapped chocolates, lasagna, and seasonal cheer.
Is it not the same cruelty when the people involved collectively share
my similar jaw-line, nose, eye shape, or the color of my hair?
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2. |
Night Driving
03:34
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As I was approaching, I pulled out my phone
as I'm trying to keep at least one eye on the road
Though I’m occupied, I fumble through “come outside”
“We look like hell and its best to be honest”
A smile emerged as you looked down at your outfit and said
“I don’t know, considering all of this context,
I at least, I look somewhat appropriate”
“Wait a minute, I know there’s a joke here to make if I can just find it”
“Take your time - I can wait”
“Its not coming, but lets pretend it did and it landed great”
“We can stay here until morning, no one should bother us”
Loose clothes in the backseat “I’ll lock the door shut”
“Until I get back with blankets and spare water from the trunk”
"This isn’t so bad, in fact, I find it endearing
Do you want to talk next steps or wait until the morning?”
“Let’s wait; in 6 hours the sun will come pounding
Through the windshield and we’ll wake whether we like it or not”
“Officer, I swear I have a license, I just can't find it
We were just trying to get some rest.
I promise we’re just trying to get some rest”
When a familiarity has turned into strangeness,
I’ll reach for what I can with my arms
Through a thick fog I see trees in the distance and the sign for the exit I want
“We’ll need to re-pad our breaks and rotate our tires
Before we head into the mountains tomorrow
But other than that, supplies, and a full tank of gas
I haven’t given much thought to what comes after”
Look, Ive been careless with the use of my language
And if I haven’t made much sense, please say so and I’ll try again
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3. |
Year Zero Children
03:30
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Dangle a rain check over my head
And I’ll leap at the chance to put off any agreed plans
You’ve said it once and I’ll invite you to say it again,
What’s a little criticism amongst friends?
“The worst thing you can do is try to externalize
Some pastiche of the guy you were at 25
You’ll get head turns but not in the way that you’ll like
The performance is stale but you know that right?”
Time and time again, time proves irrelevant
See, life in the metropole, it just keeps on giving!
We’re Year-Zero children, packed to the ceiling with stuff
With plunder everywhere were turning into a warehouse
“So what are you gonna do? Move to the forest
Or start out over and cosplay as an artist?
I’m sure you’ll admit that those paths aren’t as charming.”
“You’re goddamn right, they’re nowhere near as charming!
But what is alarming, is how may hours it takes
To decide to abandon these projects and initiate something new,
Something truly worth doing
Where worth comes in post and doesn’t prove to be elusive”
Time and time again, time proves irrelevant
See, life in the metropole, it just keeps on giving!
We’re Year-Zero children, packed to the ceiling with stuff
With plunder everywhere were just turning into a warehouse
“Lets play this out: it’s 10 years from now
Your hair is thinner and no pen has touched paper
You’ve thought and thought. You’ve thought about thought.
Trudged lost in the infinite scenarios of all of it
But with whom? Who critiqued you?
Where you ever forced to see the dead-ends of your reason-tree
through the mind of someone else entirely?
Aware of yourself - be aware of yourself in the time you’re in”
Time and time again, time proves irrelevant
See, life in the metropole, it just keeps on giving!
We’re Year-Zero children, packed to the ceiling with stuff
There's plunder everywhere and we've turned into a warehouse
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4. |
Weil
04:46
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Paused in amazement, frozen looking forward
Ten thousand yard stare into directionless noise
Where’s a distraction from the breakneck pace of the outside world?
I sit down, brace myself, but the shock rolls in awful
Is it coming for me? Is it coming for me to test what I don’t know?
Or to tear down what I’ve prided myself for?
What if all my emotional investments all fail
Go bankrupt, stocks belly-up, and a pass-due notice on its way in the mail
In the meantime I’ll keep searching for the other rifts and cracks in my home
Lost time’s near constant whine
Like tinnitus that’s set in for the long haul ride
Grab what I need, check the deadbolt two times, and bolt off into the night
The situation sets in slowly but sets deep into your bones
Not knowing if your crops will grow given the onslaught of unknowns
As an eyes wide, almost fairytale-like, bad-trip unfolds
In a kaleidoscope of bad options beckoning you onward
I’m coming up empty
I’m coming up empty, unsatisfied, speechless, and unreasonably angry
Cooped up inside these four walls of my making
as an Oscar-nominated bad-faith actor in in training
I like it here - I do, I do
And I accept that the 'needs of my soul' coincide with the ‘Need For Roots’
Supernaturally empathic; I envy how she thought,
And like her, I want “a heart that can beat right across the world”
I’m trying now
I’m trying now even though I don’t know how it’ll turn out,
I am by obligation bound since
I don’t make much sense without these other people around
No I don’t make much sense without all these other people around
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5. |
The Hudson
03:40
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When I arrived I called you but you left your phone in the bathroom
Slinking forward, I pushed through crumpled cans, empty guest rooms
A shadowy figure rests his hands on my shoulder
“Have you found who you’re after? Are you lost? Too sober?”
This is where you said that we would meet up
To park my car away a few blocks
Shuffled around thinking; this what I want?
Don’t dig a hole just to climb your way out
I remember thinking that I had enough time
With a shrinking interest in doing right
I could come up with yet another lie
Oh, I don’t mind
In the summer I looked forward to taking the train down to New York
The scores of people in full force
Come flooding the Grand Central concourse
A damp breeze over The Hudson.
Construction rumble and the gleam of new storefronts
Ripples in old herringbone sidewalks
I’m invisible even with my eyes up
I watched the planes as they were taking off
A frightened tourist with a parasol and
Waves against the battery wall
I grabbed my phone and started walking off
When I came to your front door
With groggy eyes and a cup full
of coffee made over a day ago
You asked “Where’d you go?”
I’ve crossed this bridge over a million times
It seems longer on a cold night
I did only what I thought was right
We share regrets but I own mine
Keep holding out for another one
or sit around until you get some
I can’t imagine all the things I've done
Yet, I’m the one
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